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Help me stop the maddness!

Gardening Reference » Gardening in 2005
by PAR_Gardener on June 20, 2005 12:21 PM
Ok, I know that I'm not alone out there. I can't be the only one to have this kind of issue. I'm hoping that someone can offer up some advice on how to deal with my particular neurosis.

Some times I feel like I'm crazy [nutz] , but I have the hardest time letting a plant "pass". I start from seed, and I never sow more than one seed in a cell becuase I can't bring myself to thin a seedling. I bought a lot of carrot seed this year, but I don't like planting carrots becuase I hate the thought of cutting a poor carrots life short. Of course, I have no issue of eating said carrot once the time is right. [Frown] Like that makes any sense.

This psychosis doesn't end with thinning seedlings. Oh no... I have house plants that I don't like, that I don't want, and I can't bring myself to let them pass. I would give them away, but they are way out of hand to the point that I don't think anyone would want them. I've killed my share of plants, but it just feels wrong to kill one on purpose. I can't decide if it is more humane to let them die from dehydration, or should I do it quick by pulling them up and exposing their roots.

I have day lilies that need to be thinned, and I am just dragging my feet because I don't have a bed to put the divisions. They're just regular day lilies, orange, nothing special. I won't be able to give all the divisions away, and these things are damned impossible to kill unless I run them through the chipper shredder. That would make me feel like a mass murderer. Does this make any sense?

I have divisions from a lovage plant that was just getting too big for the location. I brought 13 to my garden clubs plant sale, and 4 of them sold. The rest are sitting on my driveway slowly wilting away because I'm not watering them. I feel like a neglectful parent and that I'm a really bad person.

Why do I feel this way? What can I do to get over the guilt? I feel like I need to be committed. Please tell me that I'm not alone out there. If anyone has conquered this maddness, if there is a 12 step program, please let me know. I'm begging you to help me!!!

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Composting is more than good for your garden. It's a way of life.
by MaryReboakly on June 20, 2005 12:27 PM
OMG I got the best chuckle from this - I can SO relate to what you're saying. I've yet to find a 12 step for it. Hey, you're in Illinois, I'm in Illinois, I've got no flowers, you've got many -- we can help each other out! LOL Seriously, you're SO not alone!

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by weezie13 on June 20, 2005 08:31 PM
You got a camera over my shoulder or what????

I have that problem..
between over 100+ tomato volunteers' I have to re~plant before I can get into my garden to plant the one's I want for the summer..

I also have about 50+ Borage volunteers,
and the Johnny~Jump~Up's are going wild!!
*I have pictures in my photobucket album..*

My problem is beautiful weeds too, I love `em,
and they're so self caring, and healthy..
I'd rather have them somedays then the tempermental rose's and such!!!

No, there's no 12 step program that I know of..
If there is, someone should let me know!!!!

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Weezie

Don't forget to be kind to strangers. For some who have
done this have entertained angels without realizing it.
- Bible - Hebrews 13:2

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http://photobucket.com/albums/y250/weezie13/
by weezie13 on June 20, 2005 08:33 PM
quote:
I'm in Illinois, I've got no flowers, you've got many -- we can help each other out!
Wouldn't that be sooooooooooo neat
if you two were near each other...
I love it when the member's can meet....
It's great fun finding out!!!! [thumb] [Big Grin]

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Weezie

Don't forget to be kind to strangers. For some who have
done this have entertained angels without realizing it.
- Bible - Hebrews 13:2

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http://photobucket.com/albums/y250/weezie13/
by Meg on June 20, 2005 08:39 PM
Hey, PAR, you're not supposed to tell my secrets!!

Nobody's suppposed to know how guilty I feel when one of my plants die, and that I just can't make myself kill one on purpose.. especially when I usually kill them by accident! If one should live, and I'm forced to kill it.. nah, it's not gonna happen! Well, there was this one time.. we were moving from PA to MD, and I had no way to take my houseplant with me.. it was an ivy, and it had grown to immense proportions. I had someone take it off the hook for me, as I couldn't reach it.. (my chairs had already been put on the moving truck) and I ended up sitting it out on the curb for "trash". I just hope somebody saw it, and adopted it. It was beautiful.

Meg

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I reject your reality, and substitue my own!
My favorite digital camera photos that I took.
My family, garden, and a bunch of misc. photos!
by tkhooper on June 20, 2005 09:16 PM
Include me in the club. I feel terrible just pruning the watercress that is so out of hand so the cannas have a chance to grow. Thin something? No way not going to happen. I've been working up the gumption to divide a hosta for months now. I can't do that cause I'm sure I'll hurt the plant. Taking cuttings from the jade plant was only possible because it had a major leaf drop and it had to be done to keep the parent alive. I immediately wanted to volunteer a home for your day lilies but I have no where to put them. I can't even dig up the green onions. I let them go to seed and I still have plenty of seeds from my original package. I rescued the marigolds that the watercress overran and have them sitting in the window because I don't have a sunny place to put them outside right now. And I'm collecting seeds!!!!! It's crazy I agree. About the only thing I have done right is to plant just a little area of my garden this first year so there is plenty of room for the babies still. But I know the day is going to come. Then I'm in trouble big time. Especially because I want every type of plant I see almost lol. Good luck with the problem and know you have lots of company.

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by Amigatec on June 20, 2005 10:54 PM
Well I have a different problem. When I go and pick my vegetables I feel as if I am stealing the plants babies!!! [Eek!]

That plant worked so hard to grow them babies then I come along and steal them from her.

But when it comes to eating those fresh veggies I don't have that problem!! [grin]

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One OS to rule them, one OS to find them:
One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Redmond where the shadows lie.
by cybercrone on June 21, 2005 10:26 AM
This from a therapist (who used to have this problem, but it's only a twinge now):

Conflicted feelings usually come from a desire to 'do good'. That is admirable. Where the conflict comes in is the practicallity (of having 2 trillion plants clamouring for your attention, "former loves" who have been replaced in your heart, and all that new stuff to die for that is pulling your heartstrings and keeping you busy now) and the ability to function normally while you're doing good. As in, do you have room to walk around, inside and out? Is anyone going to suffer concussion or worse from falling overloaded pots? And . . . you know what I mean.
So, what you've gotta do is:
a) either harden your heart and rip it (the plant, not your heart) out and run to the compost pile . . . or
b) Find places that will welcome donations of plants. People who live in poorer areas, especially highrise situations - lots of times even the management of these buildings can use them, group home situations for disabled adults, church groups who minister to the needy, old age homes, the parking lot edge of your local hospital emergency ward . . . many, many places.
They will be so glad to get a bit of green because a lot of the organisations can't afford them. Just make a list of what's in your area, and talk to folks in those places, they're likely to tell you more places to send adoptees - and the circle grows.

I'd imagine that this little quirk runs rampant on a board like this where such a high proportion of the folks are tender-hearted, loving, ethically oriented PLANT NUTS!!! ROFL!!!
by PAR_Gardener on June 21, 2005 10:50 AM
Thanks to everyone for letting me know that I'm not alone.

I have to remind myself that the definition of a weed is "an undesired plant or a plant in an undesired location" So a rose bush could be a weed if it was growing somewhere like the middle of your driveway. I'll just have to repeat that mantra as I clear out areas for new beds.

I did take a first step today. I pulled a blueberry bush that was not doing so well. It wasn't too difficult as I considered it putting the poor thing out of it's misery. I'll plant melons there as a memorial. That'll make the passing more meaningful. Any rationalization will do to clear my consience.

Oooh, I like that idea. I could take my unwanted house plants and empty the pots. Then I could plant something new as a memorial to the old plant. I think I could live with that.

I just checked out MaryReboakly's profile, and she's in Southern Illinois all the way in zone 6, while I'm in the Chicago suburbs here in zone 5. Dag'nabbit! I thought I found a home for some of my plants.

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Composting is more than good for your garden. It's a way of life.
by MaryReboakly on June 21, 2005 11:26 AM
Well shoot, PAR! Then again if you ask my sister in NY, she'll tell you I live in "Illinois, yaknow, by Chicago" LOL Guess I was just as guilty for not realizing the distance between northeren and southern illinois (before I moved here, that is). There's a sign by me on the highway that says 'Chicago 300 miles' So, yeah, we're a bit distant [Frown] Sorry I couldn't help ya...and you couldn't help me LOL!

I do like the memorial idea - great way of 'making it right' eh? I'll have to file that away for my next massacre - many, many to come.

Yaknow, I realized today, after this thread, that I'll see a weed and I've got this mental game going on...like if I make believe I didn't see it (uh, to myself?) then I can let it live another day. Whoosh - I've got issues! LOL!

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by weezie13 on June 21, 2005 11:46 AM
The only thing in my mind that's a weed is
GRASS!!!
I really dislike lawns!!!! [Wink] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin]

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Weezie

Don't forget to be kind to strangers. For some who have
done this have entertained angels without realizing it.
- Bible - Hebrews 13:2

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http://photobucket.com/albums/y250/weezie13/
by Meg on June 21, 2005 06:21 PM
LOL @ Weezie & the lawn!!!

Hmm.. my dilemma is this.. Steve has informed me that we WILL one day move from this house. We are planning on building a garage/addition, and I've been a planting fool.. and I'll have to leave all that stuff I planted behind!? NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

We can't move, for like, umm... 15 years. So there! [Eek!]

Meg

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I reject your reality, and substitue my own!
My favorite digital camera photos that I took.
My family, garden, and a bunch of misc. photos!
by gardengal on June 21, 2005 09:31 PM
The saddest thing is moving and leaving your garden behind. I just had to do that in our move from our house of 10 years to our new one. I miss my beautiful garden so much... [tears] I love my new home and I know one day my new gardens will be amazing but I still miss it. The previous owners weren't so much into landscaping. We have weeds and two lawns, that's about it.

I also feel bad when I have to thin out any plants. The previous owners of the house planted spearamint and its taking over one area. I definitly need to pull it out before it chokes the only other two plants I have. I might take some and plant it in a pot so I won't feel quite so bad...

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Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
by LMT on June 23, 2005 04:28 AM
I'm the complete opposite. I just transplanted my final wave of tomatoes last night and each pot containted two plants. The first to roar lives, the other dies. The option is they both suffer. A human would do something about it. A plant continues to suffer.

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Currently listening to: Vince Guaraldi Trio -- A Charlie Brown Christmas. Adult and contemporary but evocative of youth and innocence, a must own CD.
by Will Creed on June 23, 2005 08:59 AM
I discard and replace dozens of plants every year. Whenever I purchase plants I have them sign Living Wills stating clearly that they do not want nor will they accept unnatural life support of any kind. They also sign a health care proxy designating me as the sole legal decision-maker as to their disposition.

No guilt or legal complications for me!
by tkhooper on June 23, 2005 09:18 AM
lol@Will

No personification here right? lol that was great Will. Glad to know that we can number you as one of us.

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by Will Creed on June 24, 2005 07:53 AM
Au contraire, TK. I am a heartless, ruthless bastard when to comes to plant life. I have to be. My clients don't tolerate ailing plants on life support in their corporate Board Rooms. "Look great or you're out of here!"

Of course the discards usually find foster homes with employees and building personnel.

Will
by afgreyparrot on June 24, 2005 08:04 AM
Dear Heartless, Ruthless Will...

Do you believe that plants have feelings?
Emotions?
[dunno]

Cindy The Curious

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Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car!
by Cricket on June 24, 2005 09:51 AM
And the discards that don't find foster homes, Will? Are you afraid that if you admit to living in a jungle, we will descend en masse on NYC and expect you to put us up for a month or six? [grin]
by tkhooper on June 24, 2005 10:05 AM
I think I've worked there. It wasn't just the plants that had to look good be healthy.

I'm glad you find foster homes for the other ones. Do you ever wonder how any plant can survive in those places.

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by Will Creed on June 24, 2005 10:20 AM
Hey! Are you ladies ganging up on me?

Curious Cindy - Does that nose hair you described have feelings? Do you save it or discard it? That was a rhetorical question. Please do not answer it on this forum - I might throw up!

Cricket - You know full well from your many visits here that I live in a concrete jungle, not a plant jungle. But I would be happy to have you perpetuate that myth if it would attract all of you wonderful ladies to come stay with me.

TK - You are so right. I only want beauty in my life. You qualify!

Anyone else want to pile on?
by afgreyparrot on June 24, 2005 10:42 AM
quote:
Hey! Are you ladies ganging up on me?

You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Be careful what you wish for..... [Wink]

As for the nose hair... [Roll Eyes]
I sneeze enough already so I don't have to yank my nose hairs out to get that thrill...all I have to do is walk outside and take a breath of mold and pollen laden air.

Do you have pollen and mold spores in your concrete jungle? [dunno]

quote:
Anyone else want to pile on?

[lala]

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Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car!
by Cricket on June 24, 2005 10:44 AM
Ooooh, I love jungles! Thanks for the invite. Pull out that couch - my flight is booked and bags are packed. See you soon, Will! [wayey]

BTW, will you pick me up from the airport and be my personal tour guide? You are a sweetheart! [kissies]
by Will Creed on June 25, 2005 11:24 PM
Cindy - I am throwing caution to the wind and wishing real hard! Love you Garden Girlies! Yes, we do have pollen and lots of allergens in our urban air. Sorry you are a sufferer.

Cricket - I'll be waiting at the airport. How will I recognize you? I will give you the tour of your life!
by tkhooper on June 26, 2005 10:27 AM
I want to respond but I can't think of a thing to say. That's what I get for reading this string when it is past my bed time lol. Good night all.

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by Cricket on July 03, 2005 03:22 PM
Will:
quote:
How will I recognize you?
I'll be the one wearing the white epi flower.

quote:
I will give you the tour of your life!
WhooHoo! [grin]
I [Cool] NYC!
by floweraddict on July 03, 2005 05:22 PM
"Why do I feel this way? What can I do to get over the guilt?"

LOL, snip those "suckers"- STOMP THEM! Sleep peacefully! Enjoy tranquility and joyful bliss... [angel]

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Bob
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by tkhooper on July 03, 2005 06:27 PM
Bob are you discussing Will or the flowers? j/k

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by Sorellina on July 12, 2005 01:20 AM
Cybercrone,

Great ideas, our church is a huge beneficiary of extra tomato seedlings, basil forest, fennel jungle, and whatever else gets out of hand. Those plants get wonderful, loving homes and I feel much better for having donated them as I don't have space for everyone. Community gardens, food bank gardens, your city's children's gardens, urban gardening projects for the needy..there are lots of options out there for the creative, overly "successful" gardener ;o)

Will, one question...how exactly does a plant "sign" a form? Talk about creativity and a child's imagination ;o)

Julianna, pondering the im- or is it un-ponderable..hm...

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by Will Creed on July 12, 2005 07:23 AM
quote:
Talk about creativity and a child's imagination
LOL! I am short on creativity, but must plead guilty to being a child!
by JustAGirl on July 14, 2005 06:00 AM
I have this problem also. I have a really big container that I just threw pepper and tomato seeds in (got started late) and now they are all about one inch tall and I'm procrastinating on thinning them cause I just can't do it..I want them ALL to grow. *L* I think I just might let them all grow all together *L*

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