At dinner last night, our friends told their daughter that her older brother (by 6 years) was going to stay home with her next Saturday, while both parents have to be out. This is to ensure that her new boyfriend (who does drive) does not come over, and if he does there will be a chaperone there.
So, we tell our daughter that in 3 weeks, we are going to be out very late both Saturday and Sunday, and that she is going to go over to this girlfriend's house both nights. Before she suddenly started dating last week, we were fine with leaving her home alone. Now things have changed. Our friends are in total agreement, and even offered the girls that they can both invite their boyfriends over and they'll have a BBQ - "ewwwwwwwwww no way!"
Anyway... our daughter raised a hissy fit repeating over and over... "I can't believe you don't trust me! I can't believe you don't trust me!!!" Well... sorry honey, but you are JUST STARTING TO DATE, and we are not going to leave you alone for basically the entire weekend - these are our rules, and to quote her "get over it!"
So, tell me... don't you all agree with us? Like I said, I cannot believe that none of the other families in our neighborhood, except this one, hold fast to teaching their daughters to respect themselves and stay out of the trouble that we all know teens can get themselves into!
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From: Rockland County, NY | Registered: Nov 2003
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I would stick with idea of her staying at friends- explain you do trust her to make good decisions but sometimes circumstances will change all her good intentions to be changed by the very fact kids sometimes get in over their heads and don't have the experience to get out of them, even smart- wonderful kids are ruled by hormones and a not all the way developed brain- not a good combination to be makeing sometimes life changing decisions on their own.
Besides what Nana wrote, I would also add that sometimes situations occur that inexperienced young people CAN'T get out of. They just aren't sophisticated enough to manage everything alone.
Stick to your guns, my friend. Your daughter may squeal a bit -- ok, ok, she may squeal A LOT! -- but at least you know she'll be safe and THAT's the most important thing.
Merme
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From: Maine | Registered: Oct 2004
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From someone who just went through what you're dealing with (even if I do live in a small town) I definately say STICK TO YOUR RULES!!! Girls that age just don't realize that guys can talk them into anything just about it, especially if they think they're in love or just like-a-lot!!! And with a teenage boy on hand I understand teenage male hormones all too well!!!
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From: Cotton Land in the Magnolia State | Registered: Feb 2005
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Exactly!!! Explain to her that it is not so much you not trusting her...as it is you are PROTECTING her! I always told the kids I would give them the benefit of the doubt UNTIL I had reason to doubt. But even with that in mind...she is a GIRL and there are situations as Merme & Cindy brought out, that SHE could be taken advantage of....just not worth the risk! You are certainly doing the right thing!
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From: The Land of JOY | Registered: Apr 2004
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My kids will never date until they're 35!!!!
Ok, realistically.. I think keeping things strict is the only way to go. My kids aren't allowed to go to other kids houses in the neighborhood.. thier friends can come here. Most of the other kids ride thier bikes all over town, my kids aren't allowed out of the view from our house. Overprotective? Maybe. I've seen too many awful things on the news to take a chance. I don't even let them ride bikes or anything else in the road during "busy times" of when folks are getting home from work, etc.. even tho we live in a circle.
When it comes time for them to date, it'll start out as a chaperoned thing. Like it or not. No late curfews, no sleepovers, parties must have adult chaperones that I can trust will not allow certain things to happen. Gosh, my girls are just 8 & 10 and I so don't want to worry about this now, but I know, it's coming..
posted
My parents never had a problem leaving me at home after I reached twelve. And in that they were right. Mom kept an immaculate house and there was no way I was letting a boy in to possible mess it up so that I would have to clean it before they got back. Of course my uncle and brother and various adults invariable stopped by while mom and dad were out. I wonder how that happened. lol
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From: triangle, virginia | Registered: Mar 2005
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well, i always told my kids... i trust you, i don't trust your "friends" and...
we have a "family friend" who could turn anything (and i do mean anything) into inuendo. the kids all knew that "mr. frank" was like that, and i told them they had to always behave so that even mr. frank couldn't make something out of it.
since we live in a small town (the whole county -all six towns combined - doesn't have but about 30,000 people) and mr. frank is on one of the city councils, i also reminded them that there was nothing they or their friends could do that i wouldn't know about before they got home. so far, so good.
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From: Effingham County, GA USA Z 8b | Registered: Aug 2002
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