posted
I'm always rushing around last-minute trying to get Christmas suff done, and because my b-day is in December, I usually spend most of the day doing Christmas stuff. I love Christmas, but get really weighed down by all the social responsibilities, and it all just crashed in on my mood today. All I wanted to do for my birthday was sit around, maybe actually read a book, have a nice bath, and go out to dinner with hubby. But no, he had somewhere he had to go tonight, leaving me to decorate the tree, meanwhile the house is littered with wrapping paper mess, all the gifts still to be wrapped, checkbook to be balanced and bills to be paid, and I am just disgruntled with housewifery in general. Can anyone tell me why women, in addition to bearing the children, have to bear the burden of 90% of the housework, bill-paying, family scheduling, and still are expected to buy and wrap all presents for both sides, do all the cards, and COOK too??? Really disgusted, cause this is the time of year when you should be counting your blessings, of which I have many, but I'm still in a crappy mood. Sorry, just had to vent. baby crying, gotta go now.
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From: Van Nuys, CA | Registered: Sep 2004
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...and about the other stuff, you probably don't even want to get me started! If a man and woman both go to work from 8 to 5, then come home, funny thing to me how the man lays down on the couch because he is tired from working all day, but expects the woman to make dinner for him, then wash the dishes, take care of the kids, etc., etc.
Like I said... Don't get me started!
Happy Birthday!
Cindy
bbbbbbbbb Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car!
Registered: Mar 2004
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Ya know, we JUST got into a huff about this. I was cutting his hair and he had left the toilet seat up. So, I got on his case about how he's been leaving it up more than usual and it makes the bathroom look yucky. Of course, he had to mention the fact that my hair spray and other things are littering the bathroom counter and make a general comment about how he has to put the seat down to make the bathroom look decent but I can leave my stuff on the counter. I'm right there with you on irritation with house-wifery in general, Geegee....except we have no kids....just him, and quite frankly that's enough for me right now. Yes, he does a pretty good job with cleaning up after himself, but the day that he helps clean up ANY room of the house, I swear hell will freeze over and the rapture will occur.
quote: I'm right there with you on irritation with house-wifery in general, Geegee....except we have no kids....just him, and quite frankly that's enough for me right now.
Amen!!
quote: Yes, he does a pretty good job with cleaning up after himself, but the day that he helps clean up ANY room of the house, I swear hell will freeze over and the rapture will occur.
No doubt! Don't get me wrong- he tries. But when he cleans, he mostly just stacks stuff into big, towering piles of stuff I just have to go through later. And as far as the BATHROOM- if I ever went in there and found that he had actually taken a scrub-brush to the toilet, I would have a heart attack. How can they DO that? They're the ones who MAKE the disgusting mess around the toilet seat, and yet, if it weren't for us, it would NEVER be cleaned. I mean, I try to do my part, because he goes off to work every day, and I stay home with the baby, but it seems like my part lasts from 7 a.m. till 9-10-11 p.m.
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From: Van Nuys, CA | Registered: Sep 2004
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Cricket
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Happy Birthday, Geegee!
I'm sorry you had a disappointing birthday - it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and could use some support from hubby!
It's sad that with all the strides women have made in the last half century they are still expected to do the lion's share - and usually without appreciation - a little appreciation goes a long way!
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And remember "Men are from Venus and Woman are from Mars".......
Sometimes I look at it as I'm glad he's not helpin' with all those chores, cause I like to do things a certain way and he's not there tellin' me what to do, what I'm doing wrong and why I should be doing it his way .. Sure is quiet that way and when we do get together it's alot more better cause we're not getting on each other's nerves!!! Besides, he doesn't make me go out and help him work on the car, or do the roof repair, or plumb the toilet when it goes, or change the tires, or....um, er, you get the point of it... So I am just glad for that and to stay in the house doing the chores inside, at my own leisure.
And for Birthdays or special event days, I try to look at it as, it's just a day.... And if I can celebrate my birthday another day, that'll be fine by me, it's not the actual specific time and date of my birthday for celebrating it...but I still get something, a trade off....a special day, some other day...
Life's too short kiddo to get hot~wired for somethings... *pick your battles and you're soul will reward you for it and your heart and your gut and your whole gosh darn body with less stress*
Maybe a small idea would be that if your B~day is on the 19th of Dec... don't celebrate it then, wait until Jan. 19th, when there's not much going on and things are waaaaaaaaaay less stressfull...
Just my two cents!!! *alright, maybe I gave you a quarters' worth*
Weezie
bbbbbbbbb Weezie
Don't forget to be kind to strangers. For some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it. - Bible - Hebrews 13:2
posted
I had to get in on the venting!!! When DH and I met on my mom's birthday, we were both in grad school. We started dating the next day and everyday thereafter. Besides meeting on my mother's birthday, we had the same bd only 4 years different and he had the same exact first name as my sister's DH and the last name differed only by a "y" on the end! DESTINY!!! KISMET!!! We married exactly 4 months later, both still in grad school.
The first year we celebrated our birthday together but didn't exchange presents because we were so broke. I was a grad assistant, he worked part-time. At Christmas, no present--we just shopped together for clothes we absolutely needed.
[We had already replaced the grungiest coat I have ever seen with a fairly nice one--but it took me two years to get the grungy one out of our lives!!!] [If I had seen the coat before I met him, I might not have gone out with him!]
Since then, birthdays are the day we eat out together, and the best celebration was one where he took the day off and I got the day off as an employee benefit. (We could still have the correct number of holidays, but would be open on the day after Thanksgiving or Veteran's Day so students could use the library.) We ate out for lunch and dinner and went to two movies in between. The last time we went to a movie together was at least 10 years ago!
One year he seriously asked what we were going to do for HIS birthday!!! Presents are non-existent. We each buy clothes and books occasionally, usually when the need is desperate, but other expenses usually take up our budget. One year, after he had been trying for months to play a broken guitar we bought at a garage sale, I decided to surprise him and get him a guitar AND lessons. (we lived in a very small house!) He was thrilled and I enjoyed his joy immensely.
Although I was hurt because I didn't get anything except a card, I just couldn't stay hurt and couldn't even feel sorry for myself. I was so lonely before I met him--and I can't imagine anyone I would be happier with, all things considered. We've had the usual problems and we were both in counseling for a while and the therapist asked me if I were there to get a divorce. That startled me and it did seem to have an appeal.
But then I started thinking. . . He's my best friend!! He's not the best looking man I can imagine, we'll never be rich. One of my main criteria when I was a kid was that my husband would have to have bigger feet than I--I have always been a large person, the tallest in my class. He failed that test--but they're close enough.
He's very bright, very supportive, he cries when we lose a pet. And we talk. Now that we're getting older, things are not doing so well health-wise. But what I can't do, he can, and vice versa. And I love him.
I started out to vent, and I guess I did. But I also did the same thing I did last week when I called my sister to tell her my current tale of woe. She was sympathetic but tough. Afterwards, I realized I was trying to feel sorry for myself--and just couldn't quite make it. She called back several days later to see how I was and when I told her how I had tried and failed at feeling sorry for myself, she died laughing!!
What a great holiday season this is going to be--Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanza, and the best of all new years to all of you!
Ann
Sorry for the length, and
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, geegeeburr. Things are rarely as bad as the seem, but when they are, others are around who care.
From: South Carolina | Registered: Nov 2004
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Oh happy, happy day to you, Geegee ~ Oh happy day. I'm sorry it couldn't have been a bit brighter for you.
It doesn't at all sound to me like you are ungrateful for your blessings in life, so I wouldn't worry about that part of things. It sounds to me like you are simply frustrated and overwhelmed by all you must do and disappointed that you have to do so much of it alone. Sounds like a reasonable lament to me!
Can I make a suggestion? Steal a little bit of time just for yourself, even if that means that not EVERYTHING is going to get done in the way someone suggested it should get done. Rest a little. Pamper yourself a little. Refresh and replenish the sources of your strength that seem to be at low tide at the moment. Then you'll be able to pick up your tasks with a sense of renewal. You are allowed to take care of yourself in among all that taking care of others, you know!
Merme
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"In the midst of winter, I learned there lives in me an invincible summer" Camus (maybe a paraphrase)
From: Maine | Registered: Oct 2004
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I know how you feel rushing around with your birthday right on top of the holiday. Mine is tomorrow and I am rushed to death this week. Actually I think it's been one of those months. I'd love to go out for dinner someplace just me and hubby, but I don't see that happening. I'll probably be washing clothes and having a 100 other things to do. To day hubby gfoes for his lab work for his surgery the 27th.
not only is my birthday on top of christmas, but my annver. is too. We were married quietly at home on the 24th because that was the only day he had off at the time.
bbbbbbbbb I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited-
From: Arkansas | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote: What a great holiday season this is going to be--Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanza, and the best of all new years to all of you!
A radio station here is running a contest where you call in when you hear a certain something and you'll get $1000 is your a certain caller. The commercial for it is hysterical. There is a lady who sounds like Martha Stewart and she says "Welcome to Christmas dinner in block D. What do you get when you add a cup of Christmas, a dash of Chunakah, and a pinch of Kwanzaa?" "An early parole?", a voice says. "Now that was a dumb answer", Martha says, "You get Christmahanakwanza!"
posted
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEEGEE Sorry lt was so stressful for you Yes l think hubby's have a lot to answer for. The trouble is we housewives must take a lot of the blame for our predicament, because we go along not complaining for so long, then we errupt especially on occasions just such as now, with all the stress and turmoil of xmas, we suddenly realise everthing is left for us to do, when at times like this they should be there to share the work l think a lot of men think they are at home still with mummy waiting hand and foot on them Doreen
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From: england | Registered: Jan 2004
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I'm sorry you're so stressed out .....it happens around this time of year that's for sure...BTW, I know I owe you a PM.....It's been pretty hectic the past few days--lots of running around...
Marks only few household jobs really are taking out the trash and mowing the lawn----Everything else gets done by me....which I don't mind too much because I don't work, but it would be nice every once in a while for him to do the dishes...not much, just once in a while....and the toilet seat.... I get so sick of putting it down after him.....What is it with a man leaving it up all the time???? How hard is it really to put it back down when you're done....You'd think men would be smart and put it down as to not tick us off.....
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loz's blog
From: Beautiful Western Maryland...zone 6 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
Those are Stephen's jobs also...trash, recycling, and mowing....I'm lucky if those get done! This year I put my foot down and said that the family is NOT coming over to our house this year. I just can't deal with it. As small as our house is (just over 750 sq.ft.) and his parents and brother and his girlfriend and their one year old PLUS DOG want to come for Christmas...no thank you. We did that last year and I nearly had a mental breakdown. We don't have places for everyone to sleep, the sofa bed is fine if you just sleep in it and then put it away, but they want to keep it out for most of the day, which means that you can't use the other sofa and you can't get to the bathroom without hurdeling over the bed. Then when they leave, I've got a kitchen full of dirty dishes....heeellllloooooo....we have a dishwasher!!!! And wrapping paper everywhere. The dog wants to chase all 3 cats in our tiny house, which is a disaster waiting to happen...ugh. So, at Thanksgiving when they (MIL and aunt) started talking about Christmas at our house I said nope, uh-uh, not gonna happen. House is just toooo small to have everyone over. So, that was that, Christmas is now at New Year's in Philly at the Aunt's very large house....done.
I am a single parent so that problem was taken care of. My youngest son left home a couple years ago...and my oldest son left about 6 months ago for the Air Force...so all the men in the house are gone....MEGA bathroom problems solved. My daughter gets caught up in the college stuff....so her room sometimes is neglected...but since I allowed her to have the master bedroom til she moved out and the stipulation was to keep it clean...I have something to hang over her head. One more to go and then I can blame all the mess and mysteriously moved objects on myself!
Maybe a heart to heart personal conversation with hubby is in order. Have a list of issues ready to discuss and most of all keep yourself calm! Can't hurt to try! Men or others(kids) cleaning may not be what WE would do but at least give them praise when they attempt the task. A little is better than nothing...and think about it... your situation can always be worse.
Relax as much as possible and don't sweat the small stuff....life is tooo short! Hope you can all reach an understanding/agreement! If all else fails tell him he has to get another job to pay a housecleaner to come in! Catlover
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From: California | Registered: Mar 2003
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I'm just a little housewife, with dishes three times a day. With laundry, and cleaning, and cooking, and toys to put away. Now, it's not that I mind the housework, or the screaming kids at play, It's that husband that burns me when he says with a smile, DID YOU DO ANYTHING TODAY?!?!?!
posted
happy birthday... to all the december babies! and vent all you want... the stress you are feeling seems to be part and parcel of young married life/motherhood. this too shall pass (well, maybe not the man thing ) and it will get better... (feels like it takes forever thought!)
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From: Effingham County, GA USA Z 8b | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
Hi guys! It's already better. Thanks for all your encouragement-- I get in these moods sometimes, but they usually pass quickly. I'm not much for long sulking. My husband is a great guy, and he really DOES help around the house a lot. Probably a big part of the problem is I'm such a control freak, it has to be done a certain way. Anyhoo, things are better on the home front for now, and you guys all give very good advice!
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From: Van Nuys, CA | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
People (and a lot of men are people) will treat you the way you let them.
For several years every Christmas Johnny would go out at the last minute and buy me a pair of tennis shoes. One time, just in conversation, I told him that I thought that was insensitive on his part, and why couldn't he put a little thought into my gift. I could tell he hadn't even thought about it being insensitive. I haven't gotten a pair of tennis shoes since unless I ask for them.
Celebrating 10 years of helping your gardens grow!
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- and usually without appreciation - a little appreciation goes a long way! ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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would be that if your B~day is on the 19th of Dec... don't celebrate it then, wait until Jan. 19th, when there's not much going on and things are waaaaaaaaaay less stressfull...![[lala]](graemlins/lala.gif)
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Presents are non-existent. We each buy clothes and books occasionally, usually when the need is desperate, but other expenses usually take up our budget. One year, after he had been trying for months to play a broken guitar we bought at a garage sale, I decided to surprise him and get him a guitar AND lessons. (we lived in a very small house!) He was thrilled and I enjoyed his joy immensely. 
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) and it will get better... (feels like it takes forever thought!)
