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Okay, so I just spent 45 minutes cutting my son's toenails. That's right, 10 toenails, 45 minutes, or 4.5 minutes per toe. (And no, not because I'm clumsy, I'm as dextrous as the next guy.) Because my son threw a screaming blue tantrum.
He's 14 months old, and he's been having little mini-fits when he gets frustrated for several months, so we suspected he might turn really tantrum-y, but I guess this is the first real one. He started crying the second I started snipping, then progressed to screaming, howling, gasping and writhing.
I tried everything I could think of-- Holding him in my lap and singing to him, which is what I usually do. Talking in a calm and soothing voice, explaining I know you want to play but Mommy needs to cut your toenails. Giving him toys and a book. Tried letting him hold the clippers for a few minutes, in case he might be afraid of them. Tried swatting his butt a couple times. Tried letting him sit and calm down for a few minutes. Meanwhile, everytime he stopped thrashing around for a second, I'd snip another one. I know he was clean, dry, well-fed, and napped, so not cranky. I just don't know what set him off, but I ended up cutting the last three when he had tantrummed himself into exhaustion.
So, I'm sure that holding him (gently) and letting him thrash himself out was probably the totally wrong thing to do, but all I could think was, "If I give up, and DON'T cut his nails, then he's going to learn that throwing tantrums is a good way to get what you want."
So, how the heck are you supposed to handle these things??? (BTW, he's now peacefully napping, and I feel like I've been smashed repeatedly all over with a baseball bat.)
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From: Van Nuys, CA | Registered: Sep 2004
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Well, I don't really know what advice to give to you since I've never been a mommy to a one year old and can't remember being a one year old. But I do think that your thinking that if you stopped just because he threw a tantrum was the right thinking. So, I'm guessing he didn't want to pause his playing for the day to get his nails clipped so perhaps he thought a trantrum would do it. He might do it again or test you again, and maybe you'll have to handle it the same way, but I think if you do and it happens a couple of times, that he'll eventually get the hint that trantrums don't do much. Perhaps the next time, tell him that your going to clip his nails and when your done, you'll do something specific like watch a short video that he likes or get a favorite snack?? Of course, maybe you started out by doing that in the first place?? Dunno....but I do know that you did a good job this time.
posted
Geegee ......Oh I can just picture it now.....you know I don't have kids, but I've been really close to my nieces and nephews......
I think you did a good think by holding him while he tantrumed himself out.....Like you said if you give in to him every tantrum he has, he'll think he can use them to get whatever he wants.
Maybe you could show him how you cut yours first....watch mommy cut her toe nails---if he sees you doing it he may realize that it's okay....Eventually he'll get used to it....Until he does then watch out!!!LOL It'll be an experience each and every time!!!!
Could teething be making him cranky???? My niece got cranky a lot for no apparent reason--then we'd realize it was the teething......
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loz's blog
From: Beautiful Western Maryland...zone 6 | Registered: May 2003
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wait til he goes to sleep. I do Ahsley's when she's asleep. Some nites I only get one foot, some nites I get both feet and hands. Works better if you let them just wear their self out. when they're in that dead to the world state I guess I keep her use to me touching her while she sleeps because sometimes I'll rub her little feet, then I guess she thinks that's what I'm doing.
now if you have a tip for ear cleaning I'm listening. I have to just hold her down and do it.
bbbbbbbbb I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited-
From: Arkansas | Registered: Aug 2004
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Hi Geegeeburr, I think you are doing great.I know how you feel. At 14 months he is just getting into the toddler phase.I'm so glad you know about frustration causing the mini meltdowns.It really is true,most of the time when toddlers have so-called tantrums,it is from frustration.
When my boys were that age,I always did the nail cutting when they were asleep.I too found out about the drama that could ensue. It's so weird,my girls really didn't mind at all.
You are right about Mommy respect.But you must pick your battles.Ask yourself,"how important is this?" I hope I didn't offend you any way.Again,I think you are doing great.You care very much.That makes a great Mom.
Shari
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From: Missouri | Registered: Mar 2004
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If you wanted to clip his nails then you absolutely did the right thing!! When you win small battles like that it doesn't really feel good, but I've got two older girls (19,21) both independent good kids and two younger (5,8) and let me tell you I learned a lot the hard way with the first two and I call them my guinea pigs! I know you probably wont' believe this after today but , fighting with your little guy over his nails now is a lot easier than fighting over things when he's a teenager and has no respect for you , so yes, it sucks , but the little ones are so forgiving and I bet you'll have a great day tomorrow! Parenting is full of doubt and takes years to see if you've done it right. I think you're on the right path.
How old is Ashley? I'll try when he's asleep next time. I used to do that when he was a little baby, but stopped because he's a pretty light sleeper. Or maybe right after he wakes up from his nap, when he's groggy might work...
The wierd thing though is, he's never done that before. He has always let me hold him in my lap while I sing to him and cut his nails, and for his fingernails, too. I can't imagine why all of a sudden today it was such a huge issue.
quote:now if you have a tip for ear cleaning I'm listening. I have to just hold her down and do it.
HA! Funny, same here. Though it goes better if Daddy distracts him.
Duckie- not offended at all! I asked for advice, after all.
Can't remember who asked, (Loz?) but I think he IS teething again. But he wasn't cranky at all, up till the "incident", that is.
Thanks for all you guys' advice and opinions. I DID feel like crap, but I also felt like giving in to his first tantrum would be a huge mistake. (Oh, and the window was open, so the whole time, I'm wondering if one of the neighbors is hearing him scream and calling child protective services!)
Mel- I know, I keep telling myself, when he's learning to drive, or going through puberty, the days of colic and tantrums will be like the good ol' days. Hard to believe there's worse to come!
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From: Van Nuys, CA | Registered: Sep 2004
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Ashley's 5 now, just turned 5 end of november. She doesn't sleep as sound either, but I catch her on a time when she's had a big day, inbetween trimming times, I picked up a little nail brush and have her do the scrubbing herself while she's in the tub, toe neails too if they need it (sometimes they do, she's such a tom boy when it comes to playing in the dirt)
If she's had a big day she'll pass out before we ever go to bed, and I grab my clippers quick and go to work. (I think I have a pair on every table *L*)
I even keep a pair in my purse and catch her when she naps in the car.
bbbbbbbbb I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited-
From: Arkansas | Registered: Aug 2004
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Wow, I had no idea it would go on for so long! How old are they when they'll finally let you cut them? Or do you just have to wait till they can do it themselves?
...Mental note: Buy more nail clippers....
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From: Van Nuys, CA | Registered: Sep 2004
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I think, they just get big enough that they don't sleep sound enough to sneak up on, and at that size you sure can't wrestle them down.
And I guess by then you just don't care, Or too tired to care.
bbbbbbbbb I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited-
From: Arkansas | Registered: Aug 2004
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*L* well you know when they start getting interested in the opposit sex they'll get better at grooming all on their own
I guess that's when they do it their self
bbbbbbbbb I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited-
From: Arkansas | Registered: Aug 2004
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... yeah, it took my son (who is 17) getting a girlfriend to get him to bathe regularly and brush his teeth... and he was over 6' and 280# the last time i "made" him get a bath... (he couldn't have been more than 15 at the time, but he is a very big young man)
he said he wasn't, and i said he was, and he said i couldn't make him, and i promptly started stripping him and his "big" (older and MUCH smaller) sister started helping me, and when there were enough clothes gone that he started to feel cold air where there shouldn't be any, well, he gave up and went and got his shower!
he doesn't tell me i can't make him do something anymore!
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From: Effingham County, GA USA Z 8b | Registered: Aug 2002
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Well, my friend's daughter is 7, same age as my little one. She decided to clip her own toenails the other day, and she'll get her foot up right in her own face while she clips, so she can see really well what she's clipping. (ya know, so she doesn't get the toe, just the nail.) Well, the toenail went flying, right into her eyeball. Yep, it was actually stuck in her eye, and mom had to help get it out. *ouch* My girls will let me clip thier nails, (7 & 9) and have for a couple years now. In fact, if I haven't clipped them in awhile, and they hear me trim mine, *after they've gone to bed*, they will come after me, saying that I *need to do thiers, right now*.
What's been said so far has been good. Either get em while they're sleeping, or hold em down, screaming and hollering, so they know who's boss, and hopefully, that'll set em right, before they decide to battle you for bigger things when they get older. Of course, there will always be bigger battles. *sigh*
posted
now my younger brother had a girl friend that use to brush his teeth for him.
I can't blame her, if I was gonna kiss him I'd brush his teeth too
bbbbbbbbb I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited-
From: Arkansas | Registered: Aug 2004
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He might do it again or test you again, and maybe you'll have to handle it the same way, but I think if you do and it happens a couple of times, that he'll eventually get the hint that trantrums don't do much. Perhaps the next time, tell him that your going to clip his nails and when your done, you'll do something specific like watch a short video that he likes or get a favorite snack?? Of course, maybe you started out by doing that in the first place?? Dunno....but I do know that you did a good job this time. ![[thumb]](graemlins/thumb.gif)
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![[wayey]](graemlins/wavey.gif)
......Oh I can just picture it now.....you know I don't have kids, but I've been really close to my nieces and nephews......
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Parenting is full of doubt and takes years to see if you've done it right. I think you're on the right path.
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